Here's a very ugly/rough copy of RSG Ch2 Page 1. All those blurry dots aren't blurry in the real version. I'd love to get some criticism on this, but unless a problem is GLARINGLY bad, it won't get corrected (at least, any time soon). All criticism will go to future pages, though.
The shadow on the right portion of the door frame from the viewer's perspective seems to grow and shrink without regard to the viewpoint.
ReplyDeleteIn the penultimate panel the ruffles of Julia's shirt seem to belong to a garment over her shirt, but in the last panel it looks like part of the shirt. Also in the second to last panel Remi's back, arms and hair indicate she is staring straight ahead in relation to the camera position, though her face is facing Julia more. He hair should feel more like it's bunched to the left since she's turning her hair instead of being straight. Unless she actually is just staring at the door hinge, which would be unnatural unless the dialogue indicates why she might be. I guess that piece of hair could also be from the right side of her head, but if that's the it should be gathering around her right shoulder.
You did well with body language, wood grain, and plant rendering and I love the three legged table. No body tries to draw stuff like that, though it gives it a bit of a hotel feeling.
I believe most Americans back further away from the door when someone answers it.
Also, Remi seems to be looking up in all the shots where she is expectantly waiting for the door (panel 4 being a perfect example). I assume she does this because she's short, but when Julia does answer the door she is looking down. Is she ashamed or embarrassed? I guess it could be a response to Julia slouching, but it doesn't appear as though she is looking up as much in the panel before that either.
Finally, and probably most importantly, the repetition of similar angles seems dry. Were you trying to emphasize how long she was waiting there?
The two top tiers are intended to indicate that Remi is waiting for a really long time. I'm sorry if I sound defensive, I've been inking all day and I'm really really sick of looking at page one when I have page two to finish. I corrected the angle of R's head on the last panel. Thank you for your criticism.
ReplyDeleteI have nothing really of worth to add seeing that I can't draw with a flip, but I really like the frame where she's trying to kick the door in. That's my favorite part.
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